I miss Tovah so much.  I love hearing her friends tell stories about her.  I love talking about her with her sister and with anyone who knew her.  I love the stories and I love the pictures and I love the memories.  There are so many things I want to write about and so much I need to excavate for myself and it fills me up to get such wonderful feedback from those who knew her and from those who knew her from my stories.

I met with a medium last week.  She was recommended to me by a womyn I have known for many years and who is a member of the London Spiritualist Church.    I love visiting that church and have attended services from time to time over the past 20 years. I had a deep longing to connect with Tovah.

Lorraine is the spiritualist I worked with. We spoke by phone. She started telling me that she saw someone in ministerial garb around me – someone from way back – dressed in a brown tunic -like a monk.  His hands are in prayer and his head is bowed. He is praying over me.  She then said there is a woman around me with grandmother energy from my mother’s side.  My grandmother is telling me that things are happening but I shouldn’t let them bother me and to think of things happening as a puzzle and take a piece away to see the whole.  She told me that there are 2 younger people and 1 older person around me that are causing me trouble right now.  She told me that I am good at getting people to do things but I’m very good at just doing things for myself. She told me that these current problems are someone else’s responsibility and not mine.  She reminded me that we teach people how to treat us by how we treat them.

I then interrupted Lorraine to say I want to make contact with someone who had recently passed.  Lorraine then said she is smiling and she is standing behind your grandmother.  She has a healing process to go through.  She is so thankful to have had you as a friend.  I felt annoyed and said I was her mother.  Lorraine said but it seems she considered you a best friend.  She says that she is sorry she didn’t listen to you more. She wishes she had been a little smarter and that we didn’t always agree.  She heard everything you have said and says,  “Right back at you, Mom.”  I liked that because all I have been saying is Tovah, I miss you so much and wish you were here to raise your baby and to be with us.

Lorraine continued to talk about Tovah.  She says that Tovah was very clever and she achieved quite a lot.  She doesn’t have any regrets.  It was all part of her life lessons.  The monk is bringing her serenity.

Lorraine then asks me if Tovah was creative.  Lorraine said Tovah is showing her some of her artwork and that she is wanting me to look at it.  I assumed it was the pottery that she made in school and the painting of the butterfly that Raya has in her home.  Yesterday Raya and I went through a large container and in it we found a bag that neither of us knew about  with a sticker on it, “Artwork Do Not Bend”.  It must be from her studies at Beal Secondary school.  I went through the work and found a cloth with a woman on it that I have to assume is a self portrait.  Beautiful! I also found an old ring of mine that I must have given to Tovah.

Lorraine now tells me that Tovah loved music and she wants me to listen to music.  She wants me to know that there are a lot of songs especially country music that resonated with her and that would be good for me.  Lorraine tells me there is a song by John Montgomery about a little girl hiding behind the couch and that her father killed her mother.  (I grew up in a violent home and this frightened little girl speaks to me.)  Tovah wants me to know that we are never alone.

Tovah has 3 ancestors around her right now and 3 angels.  Lorraine was clear about one being my grandmother and then described a man that I am certain is my father.  She said he has dark brown hair (not black) that is greying around a bit but he cuts it really short so you don’t really notice it.  He used a product called Vitalis and I think it made his brown hair appear much darker. I asked if there is another man there.  Remember she is doing this reading from me and she says that I have 14 ancestors with me.  She says there is and that he is 6 foot 3 or 4.  She says he is showing her 3 and then 4 fingers.  I never knew Hassan, my second husband, exact height.  I always say he was 6”3 or 4.  I know he is there.

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Lorraine says that Tovah felt she was well looked after and was ready to go.  She decided that she had had enough.

She asked if Tovah had a sister.  She said she is holding a lot in and that I should encourage her to talk.  She said she has some concern that this will happen to her as well.  At this point Lorraine, while talking about Tovah’s sister, said she herself was having an overwhelming feeling of wanting to cry and told me that she had lost 2 younger sisters.

Tovah wanted me to know that she married Wesley because she really loved him. She said that I (SandraLaya) am following my heart and I am doing what she asked me to do.  She’s very pleased that I am determined to have things go as she wanted them to go.  She is confident that she asked the right person.

Lorraine now asks if there is a baby.  She says the sister (Raya) will be very instrumental in influencing the baby (Harper).  She told me to watch the baby and when she looks up and starts jabbering, she is talking to her Mom.  The hardest part for Tovah was leaving the baby.  She stayed longer and endured more for that reason.  She wanted to stay and love her as long as she could.  She realizes now she can still watch over her. My grandmother said that she is teaching her to do what she did when she crossed over.

Lorraine then asked if someone has lost a baby.  I told her that Raya had.  Raya’s son Henry Oliver was still born almost 9 years ago. She tells me that the baby is with Tovah.  He’s going to be close to Harper.

Finally she told me to watch for hummingbirds.  Tovah said, “Mom you’ve got this”. Thanks, Baby girl.